Babysitting Sucks
by CandyAngel1
Summary: Another night on the town for Lily and James. But who is watching Harry? His godfather of course!(Somehow we dragged Remus into this too.)If you've ever babysat you'll understand.(Could we get any cornier?)The long-awaited final chapter is here.COMEPLETE.
1. Pronglet

Babysitting Sucks

Authors' note: These characters do not belong to us, never have, never will.  We often wish they did, but they don't.  So we're just borrowing them for a little while for our own sadistic amusement.  Don't worry we will return them in nearly-mint condition whatever that is supposed to mean.  Please read and review because the excitement is just beginning…

"Come on now Lily, you've known my for how long?" Sirius declared indignantly.

            "Exactly! That is why I don't trust _you_ with my little angel!"

            "Lils, come on dear. We chose Sirius as godfather for a reason.  We believe that he will be…uh…responsible…and…"

            "James! Sirius? Responsible? Those two words don't belong in the same sentence. You can't even make a complete sentence!"

            James made his bottom lip quiver, and Sirius looked as though someone had just stolen his beloved motorbike.  

            "Oh I'm sorry Sirius, and my…bosom boo," Lily tickled James playfully under the chin.

            Sirius raised an eyebrow, "Bosom boo?  Ha, ha." 

            "Shut up…" suddenly something came over James' face, and it twisted into an evil grin, "_Booger bear."_

            "NO! Great Aunt Bertha used to call me that!" Sirius' hand darted up toward his left cheek and he rubbed it nervously.

            "Sirius, is that a _scar_ on your cheek?" Lily questioned.

            "Yes..." Sirius closed his eyes and shuddered remembering one of Aunt Bertha's visits, judging by the look on his face.

            "Ah yes, Aunt Bertha definitely made it more…um…_interesting_ to visit your place.  The way you used to cower…" James was obviously relishing the image of his best friend cowering before a dumpy old woman, with a giant red handbag and too much lipstick.  

            "If my memory is serving me well James, I believe you hid in the closet for over and hour just to stay away from her.  Well that plan failed as soon as she opened the closet and found two doey brown eyes looking out at her."

            "You always could give that bambie look dear," Lily whispered seductively in James' ear.

            "Lily…" James began to giggle uncontrollably as she kissed his neck.  "Not…here Lily," He swallowed, trying to maintain his composure.

            "Okay you two love birdies, I think it's time to go…yes, go have fun…and remember be back by midnight." Sirius shoved them out the door giving them an overly animated wink.

            No more than two seconds had passed when Lily came back in, "Don't forget to heat Harry's bottle…but not too hot, and make sure he is in bed by eight…and…"

            "No transfiguring his toys," Sirius stated at exactly the same time as Lily.  

"Alright. Well, good-bye sweetie, and you be a good boy for your godfather," Lily cooed to her ten-month-old son from across the room.  Then she waved a warning finger at Sirius and closed the door again.  

"You're no fun Lily…Hey! I've never actually tried transfiguring his stuffed lamb," Sirius said mischievously as he picked the lamb up from the sofa across from Harry's playpen.  

"And don't even try the lamb, she put an anti-transfiguration spell on it," James said from the open doorway.

"Awe shucks…Hey! Not you too, what else can I do wrong James?"

"Nothing, I just wanted to say goodnight to my little Pronglet…which will be in bed by eight thirty," he winked at his best friend and crossed the cozy living room to Harry's play pen.  "Thought I was leaving without saying good-bye did ya?  I had to tie mommy to the car outside so we could leave, but I just had to come in and see my Pronglet." 

Harry giggled his cute little giggle and held up his arms, expecting his father to pick him up.  James watched as he stood awkwardly and pleaded with his vivid green eyes.  "Awe you have the key to my heart, you know that?" James picked him up and walked over to Sirius rocking Harry gently in his arms.  

"You're going to be late _Dad_."

"I know.  Bye pronglet, watch your godfather for me," He looked up at Sirius again, "He's allergic to carrots, so if you happen to mix up one of your concoctions, please remember that."

"Oh alright.  Come here little buddy!" Harry let himself be placed into his godfather's arms, then looked back at his dad. 

"I know we've never been away before Harry, but you're a big boy.  Have fun with Padfoot, Bye."  

"B-bye," Harry waved instinctively.  James smiled.

"See ya prongs," Sirius said cheerfully.

"So long you two."


	2. House calls from Mrs Skowers

Authors note: I know it's short but it's just the way it divides up. (This is actually one of our favorite chapters! It was so much fun to write!) We are so happy about all the lovely reviews.they're quite an ego boost! So keep 'em coming. As always we don't own 'em, but that doesn't stop us!  
  
The door shut and Sirius looked at the baby in his arms, "It's just you and  
  
me honey bunch."  
  
"Dad da da da," Harry waved his arms helplessly at the closed door.   
  
"Oh it's ok, he'll be back later.so what do you want to do? Play poker,  
  
cards, fly on my motor bike (Lily would kill me)," he offered all these to  
  
Harry in a singsong voice. Harry whimpered, and then began to cry.  
  
"Oh no, what are you doing? Hey now crying wasn't an option. Stop, please?"  
  
Harry had no intention of letting up, and suddenly the phone in the kitchen  
  
began to ring.   
  
"Ah! Ok, I remember these lessons.put the kid in the playpen and go get the  
  
phone. Kid in playpen.go get feletome or whatever you call those things.  
  
Lily does this all the time, and she's a girl.I can do this.there has never  
  
been anything that stood in the way of Padfoot the Great. Unless of course  
  
that is Aunt Bertha on the line."  
  
"Hello? Why isn't this working!?" He began hitting the cordless on the  
  
counter repeatedly. Just then the recorder picked up  
  
"Hi you have reached the Potter's humble, yet luxurious abode. If you are a  
  
solicitor we don't want any, but if you would like to speak to me.my lovely  
  
wife.or my new son Harry, who is the cutest thing on the planet FYI, then  
  
leave a message and we'll get back to you. As soon as I figure out how.   
  
Thanks very much! *Beep*"  
  
"Cute James I like it. This is Remus and I was wondering what you two kids  
  
were up to, or should I say three kids. How is Harry? Oh and if Sirius is  
  
there I guess that makes four.  
  
"Ha, ha very funny. As if you don't ever come over," Sirius said still  
  
trying to figure out how the phone worked.  
  
"This is odd, you're not allowed to go out without my permission,  
  
("Yes mum") and where are you going to take a baby? ("To a bar") Come on  
  
press the button that says 'Talk' ("Finally some useful advise") in big green  
  
letters."  
  
"Smarty-pants," Sirius grumbled to his other childhood friend over the line.  
  
"So lovely to speak with you as well Padfoot. So how is it going?"  
  
"Oh great.just perfect.yep.nothing wrong here.I'm his godfather.I can do  
  
this," Harry was wailing harder than ever in his toppled over playpen.   
  
"Is Harry crying?" Remus said, voice full of concern.  
  
"No.well actually yes. How do you turn him off Moony?" They all called Remus  
  
Lupin, Moony because of his lycanthropy.  
  
"Oh Sirius, you don't turn a baby off. He is crying because he needs  
  
something,"  
  
"Yeah a good kick up the-"  
  
"SIRIUS," Remus demanded severely from over the phone, "you're the one who  
  
needs the kick.now do you want me to come over and help?"  
  
"Since when do you make house calls Mrs. Skowers?"  
  
"Oh shove it.hey I don't hear him crying anymore, what did you do?"  
  
"Nothing, I'm in the kitchen talking to you, Harry is in the living roo.oh  
  
shit"  
  
"Oh shit is right. You'd better find him, you know Harry."  
  
"Don't remind me," Sirius remembered the incident in which Harry had gotten  
  
into his toolbox and swallowed a screw. He ventured into the living room and  
  
passed the upside down playpen on his way to the stairs.   
  
"Sirius you know I am not doing anything right now so I'll just come over  
  
and-"  
  
"No come on it's just a kid. I mean what damage can cute little Pronglet- ''   
  
Sirius was interrupted by a loud crashing boom from the upstairs. "What  
  
the-?!" He dropped the phone in surprise.  
  
"That's it I'm coming.be there in a few," Remus' voice was coming to Sirius  
  
through the receiver on the floor. 


	3. I guess that explains the ‘boom’

Sirius picked up the phone and was just about to rebuttal again, but the dial  
  
tone met his ear. "Fine! Whatever." Running up the stairs in a very dog like manner, Sirius decided to take the stealth approach. As he reached Lily and James' bedroom he stopped noticing the door ajar. Poking his head inside and shouting "Gotcha!" he shoved the door wide open to reveal James' school trunk on the floor and its contents strewn across the room.  
  
"How the hell did he get in there? I guess that explains the 'boom'." More awed than worried Sirius glanced about the room. Then he heard it.Harry's little giggle.  
  
"Oh! So it's hide and seek, huh? Well, how about we play 'pick-up-all- daddy's  
  
stuff-before-he-comes-home-and-finds-out'?"  
  
Another giggle. "Come on, Harry! Come out and see me."  
  
"Pafoo."  
  
"That's right. You're a smart lad aren't you? Come here."  
  
~ The front door opened and a man with brown hair and amber eyes stepped over the threshold, "Hello?"  
  
"MOONY!"  
  
"Oh lord," Remus rolled his eyes and shot up the stairs, following the call of distress into James's bedroom. Sirius looked ready to pull his hair out, and the room was a mess.  
  
"Isn't this James's old school stuff?"  
  
"Yes! But that isn't important right now! I'm hearing voices!" Sirius looked  
  
desperate.  
  
"That's silly."  
  
"No it isn't! Moony! I hear the voice, don't see the kid.hear the voice, don't  
  
see the kid!"  
  
"Clam down! He's not an evil death eater. And besides he isn't advanced  
  
enough to be invisible-"  
  
"Moony! Moon! Moon! Moony!"  
  
"AH! I hear it too!" They grasped each other tightly.  
  
"Told you, now help me with this stuff."  
  
"Shouldn't we try and locate your godson first?"  
  
"Yeah, but we'll never find him in this mess. Hey, where is the invisibility  
  
cloak?"  
  
"Yes, I was just going to ask that. It can be seen when it isn't-"  
  
Sirius and Remus exchanged a look that would have been very comical had the  
  
situation not been so serious.   
  
"He must have grabbed the trunk by James' cloak and then." Remus trailed off  
  
and started to feel around on the bed. "Harry! Come see Moony and Padfoot now.come on."  
  
Searching the entire bedroom they finally just picked up the mess. ~ "Sirius, I don't think he's in here anymore." "Of course he's still here!" "When was the last time you heard his giggle?" Sirius thought for a moment. "Good point. But he couldn't have left the room. I shut the door when I came in." Remus looked nervous, "That's all well and good, but I didn't." "What?" Sirius face dropped. "I didn't think to shut the door when I came in." "That's great! Just great! Now the baby could be anywhere in the house!" Sirius was utterly exasperated. "Well, if you hadn't let the baby get into James's trunk, Harry wouldn't been invisible now." "And if you hadn't called I could have watched the kid!" "My god, Padfoot! You have such a one-track brain! Are you telling me you can't watch the kid and take a phone call at the same time?" "Boo.Pika boo!" A giggle was heard down the hallway followed by a thump. Sirius would have retorted, but Remus was out the door tracking the sound. ~  
  
Harry was having the time of his life under his father's warm and fuzzy  
  
disguise. They searched the entire upstairs until they heard noise downstairs.   
  
"How in the name of Godric did he get down the stairs under that thing? I  
  
mean we had trouble doing that!"  
  
"Remus, clearly he had inherited his godfather's famous mischievous  
  
qualities," Sirius remarked proudly as they carefully headed down the  
  
carpeted steps.  
  
"Let's hope not," Remus muttered while rolling his eyes. 


	4. What ADD really stands for

Author's Note: Hey fans! We know it has been about an age since our last  
  
post, but with finals, thesis papers, and computer crashes.well you get it. So  
  
sorry, but we promise to update more often now. Thanks! Fifth book is  
  
awesome!!!! We love JK- just because we get to torture her loverly characters  
  
mwahahahahahaha. We love the marauders.ok we'll shut up so you can read and review!  
  
After another hour of relentless search for the baby both men collapsed  
  
on the couch.   
  
"Moony.this is hopeless. We are never going to find that kid," Sirius  
  
sighed and leaned against Lily's chenille pillows.   
  
"Count the blessings Padfoot, think about it. I mean at least no one has  
  
rung the doorbell. Come on, what would we say. 'Ah.good evening, we'll be  
  
with you in a moment or two. We are currently in pursuit of a giggling  
  
invisible baby. Thank you.' "  
  
Sirius let Remus' comment sink in and there was a resounding crash from  
  
the kitchen.   
  
"I'll go see what that was while you man the post here. Maybe I can coax  
  
him out." Moony trailed off as he headed for the kitchen threshold.   
  
Sirius settled more comfortably on the couch and began thinking about the  
  
interesting stain on the carpet, when the doorbell rang.   
  
"What?! The doorbell? Aw, shit. 'Count your blessings' he says," Sirius  
  
grumbled, as he rolled off the couch. "Hello?"  
  
"Uh." A greasy looking teenager stood in the doorframe holding some  
  
boxes, uncertainly.  
  
"What do you want?"  
  
"Um.your pizza, sir?" The boy's voice cracked every other word. Sirius  
  
raised an eyebrow.  
  
"We didn't order any Godric damned pizza!"  
  
"Uh.sir.I...uh..."  
  
"Look, if you don't mind," Sirius began to recite with effort, "I am  
  
currently in pursuit of a giggling, invisible baby. So.bugger off!" Sirius slammed  
  
the door. Then he thought twice about that, opened the door, grabbed the  
  
pizza, and shut the door again.  
  
"What was that about? I smell pepperoni," Remus observed.  
  
"Nothing. Pizza."  
  
"Oh, well.no luck with Harry. Maybe he'll smell the pizza and come.  
  
smell? SIRIUS!!!"  
  
"What did I do now?"  
  
"Sir? Are you gonna pay for that?" The pizza boy knocked timidly at the  
  
door, but realized his efforts were futile. They were ignoring him. "Not  
  
again," he squeaked. "This comes out of my paycheck."  
  
"ARE YOU TELLING ME YOU DIDN'T THINK OF TRANSFORMING AND SNIFFING HIM OUT?!" Remus bellowed.   
  
"What? Oh yeah.sorry," Sirius quickly transformed into a large black dog  
  
and evaded Remus' kick. Man.don't piss a werewolf off right before the full  
  
moon.  
  
Sniffing around the house for about fifteen minutes led them on a haphazard  
  
trail following Harry's tracks. As they neared Harry the scent became more  
  
apparent, and they traipsed into the living room. Good Lord this kid needs a  
  
diaper change. Mmm.Doritos.no must concentrate. It's getting stronger.wait  
  
there he is!  
  
Harry was now sitting under the coffee table holding up the invisibility  
  
cloak and giggling at the dog he knew as his godfather.   
  
"Pika-boo padfoo!" He clapped his little hands as Sirius bounded over to him.  
  
Then he grabbed the dog's nose painfully and laughed as Sirius screwed up  
  
his eyes and barked in agony.   
  
Damned kid always does that! OW! Sirius began snuffling Harry who was inching  
  
away under the coffee table. Harry suddenly yawned and put his little arms  
  
around Padfoot's neck, snuggling into the soft fur.   
  
Aww! Somebody is sleepy.thank God! NO! Damnit Remus! Remus walked into the  
  
room and said 'Ah ha!' triumphantly, Harry then scooted backwards and said "bye  
  
bye."  
  
Oh no you don't! Sirius transformed grappling for the toddler and his head  
  
collided painfully with the table above him. Little white spots sprang up  
  
before his eyes and he sat back up.  
  
"Owie.Goddada get owie," Harry said sweetly from somewhere near the couch.   
  
"Damned right owie.and your going to have an owie in a minute! Get him  
  
Remus!" Sirius waved at the area with the arm not holding his head.   
  
After Remus searched for a minute he turned up empty-handed.   
  
"He's got to be able to apparate," Sirius said dully from somewhere  
  
underneath a bag of ice and pile of chenille pillows.  
  
"Don't be silly Padfoot, he's just outsmarting two old men that are tired and  
  
hungry," Moony stated matter-of-factly.  
  
"Who you callin' old? I'm not the one with the gray hair!"  
  
"Oh, shut up.I'm not in the mood."  
  
"Uh, oh! The werewolf is cranky"  
  
"SHUT UP!" Remus growled menacingly.  
  
"Sorry Moony.sorry." Sirius emerged from the pile he was residing and reached  
  
for the abandoned pizza box.   
  
"No way Padfoot. Not until we find Harry.did you ever pay for that?" Remus'  
  
brain was starting to hurt.   
  
Ignoring the last question Sirius laid back and with a mouth full of chewed  
  
up pizza said, "I give up Remus. I refuse to look for a baby.mmm.pepperoni."  
  
"God you are so A.D.D.!" Remus shouted exasperatedly.   
  
"What's that?" Sirius was now examining the stain on the floor that Lily was  
  
going to kill him for later, "Absolutely Dashing and Devinaire?"  
  
"Yeah whatever.give me a piece will you?" Remus' wolf-like hunger overrode  
  
his instinct to find the baby now headed for the foyer.   
  
~thanks for being patient.We'll try and get the next chapter up ASAP!  
  
We love Reviews!~ 


	5. HOM

Author's Note: Hey! I am so happy to hear that everyone likes the story! This  
  
is one of my personal favorite chapters because Lily is having a girl moment.  
  
ENJOY!  
  
"James, I am really ready to go home now dear," Lily said, after taking  
  
only a sip of wine at the small round table.   
  
"Lils you haven't even touched the bruchetta.I thought you liked  
  
bruchetta," James made one of his famous pouty-faces, and turned his large doey eyes  
  
toward her.   
  
"Don't look at me like that! I'm just not hungry.And I'm worried about  
  
Harry.What if he needs me?"  
  
"Lillian Potter! I trust Sirius, and besides Harry loves his godfather  
  
to death," James said exasperatedly (this had been the twelfth time they had  
  
been over this).  
  
"But-"  
  
"No buts! I put a lot of time and money into this evening, and we  
  
already missed the play because you tried to get me to go home so many times. 'No  
  
James! Go left' when you know damn well it is a right turn!"  
  
"Don't you dare yell at me James Potter!" Lilly's eyes began to water.  
  
Just then the waiter walked over and inquired if they wanted any more  
  
wine. The couple looked at him simultaneously and screamed, "Bugger off!" By  
  
now, people at nearby tables began to look at them.   
  
"I have had enough! I want to leave.I want him in my arms, safe and  
  
sound."  
  
"What, you don't trust my judgment? Don't you like my friends?"  
  
"That is not true! I love Remus!"  
  
"Oh I see." James was rolling his eyes.  
  
"Apparently you don't, because for the last hour I have been trying to  
  
get you to take me HOME! Do I have to spell it for you-"  
  
Their server began walking behind Lily's chair with a very large bowl of  
  
soup.  
  
"H-O-M-"  
  
But she never finished her rant because the waiter tripped and the very  
  
large bowl of soup was now covering Lily. Her hair and green dress were  
  
sopping wet and she had her eyes closed as if praying for something. The waiter  
  
looked shocked, but James looked terrified.   
  
"I want to leave James.we are going." Lily's voice trembled.  
  
"Sweetheart, are you-"  
  
"I WANNA GO HOME NOW!"  
  
The entire restaurant echoed with Lily's declaration, and James stood up  
  
so fast the table overturned. Lily stalked out of the small Italian place  
  
with James cowering at her heels.   
  
The waiter sat on the ground covered in the tablecloth, groping for air  
  
as he mumbled apologies.   
  
Outside Lily was dripping soup all over the sidewalk as she streaked  
  
towards the car. A fire hydrant nearby exploded and water spewed out in every  
  
direction.   
  
"Honey calm down it was an accident," James tried not to sound nervous.   
  
"Get in the car."  
  
That was not a request, it was an order. James jumped in the car and  
  
realized that their coats were still in the building with the keys in James's  
  
coat pocket. He smiled sheepishly and Lily made a growl that sounded too close  
  
to the noises Remus made on the full moon. As he jogged back towards the  
  
restaurant he was praying that Lily wouldn't try and apparate home.she was likely  
  
to splinch herself. Odds were it was that time of month.  
  
A/N: I know it was short, but wasn't it good? The reviews have been wonderful! Keep 'em coming. I'm going on vacation for two weeks, but as soon as I'm back it will be continue. Love to all! 


	6. I Stand By What I said Earlier

Author's Note: SORRY! I had to go on vacation.really they made me get off the  
  
computer. Then my computer crashed and I was disconnected from the internet. Can you believe that? Anywho, I got here as fast as I could so don't worry, I will write more. I hope you enjoy this, I work hard. All these loverly reviews make us feel so special, thanks sooooo much!  
  
As Remus and Sirius tore into their fifth and sixth pieces of pizza they  
  
heard a resounding crash, followed by the sound of breaking glass. They  
  
stared at each other in horror and ran into the nearby foyer.   
  
Harry crawled into the foyer where his fuzzy disguise caught on the leg  
  
of Mummy's table, topped with a glass vase full of silk flowers. He continued  
  
to crawl forward despite his set back.  
  
"Padfoo-" Harry giggled as he reached for his godfather's leather jacket  
  
on the hat stand by the door. Unable to quite reach it, the tiny boy gave  
  
the invisibility cloak one last tug, and the table tipped over, just as the hat  
  
rack came crashing to the ground.   
  
"Damn," Sirius commented as they looked at the glass and flower strewn  
  
floor. James' cloak was bunched up by a toppled over table leg, glass littered  
  
the usually kempt entrance to the Potter's house, and the hat rack topped with  
  
the head of a lion was laying heavily on.  
  
"HARRY!" Remus screamed as he picked his way over to lift the hat rack  
  
and garments to find the baby. The only reason little Harry wasn't screaming  
  
was because he had been completely winded by the large wood and brass rack that  
  
had hit him. He had a few pieces of glass digging into his face and he raised  
  
his tiny arms to Lupin.   
  
"Oh, sweetie, it's okay," Remus cooed, as he picked Harry up gently, so as  
  
not to cause anymore damage.   
  
"Moon-moon," Harry coughed, burying his head in the familiar worn cloth  
  
that covered Remus' shoulder.   
  
"No, no, Harry, we need to get the glass off of your face, careful now,"  
  
the werewolf gently pulled Harry's rapidly bleeding face away from him.   
  
"Sirius, will you get Lily's copy of Magical Maladies and Injuries out please?"  
  
"Oh no Moony, look at this mess.and we have spent an entire evening  
  
looking for him! I say put the brat down and let him handle it, as he has so  
  
proven himself capable of doing-"  
  
"Sirius Black! He is a child, and didn't know better, but right now he  
  
needs us to help him-"  
  
"NO! Moony put him down before he uses some evil magic to-"  
  
"Sir-Siri-.Pa'foo.goddada," Harry lost it on the last word and started  
  
to cry, tears mixing with the glass and blood on his face.   
  
"Don't you use your cute powers with me young man! Do you know the  
  
trouble Moony and I went through to find you? And now your mom is going to- to-"   
  
Harry had his big green eyes full of tears staring at him as if to say 'I'm  
  
sorry God daddy I didn't know.I thought we were playing, but this doesn't feel  
  
to fun right now'. And Harry reached his arms out to Sirius, just wanting to  
  
feel the familiar warmth and sense of safety he always felt when playing with  
  
his godfather. But this time he had gotten hurt, and where had Padfoot been?   
  
"Come here my little Pronglet, come here. hush now.I've got ya.you're  
  
safe now," Sirius took Harry in his arms and whispered in his ear until he  
  
calmed down a bit.   
  
"Never mind here, Accio Magical Maladies and Injuries! Here come into  
  
the lavatory," Remus led the way into the hallway bathroom. Harry was clinging  
  
to Sirius for dear life, so Sirius ended up sitting on the counter with his  
  
godson in his lap.   
  
  
  
~Not so far away, James and Lily were making their way home. It was taking  
  
longer than usual because Lily convinced James to speed and they had gotten  
  
pulled over. After Lily had caught the officer on fire because she was so mad,  
  
James cast a quick memory charm and they continued on their way.   
  
"I can't believe you decided to take me there of all places.and officers  
  
these days.why can't a woman take care of her son!" Lily mumbled for the rest  
  
of the car ride, while James took refuge in silence. ~  
  
"There does that feel better honey?" Remus asked in a singsong voice as  
  
he repaired the baby's ribs, "now about that precious face of yours.Ok, now this  
  
is going to hurt a little bit okay? Sirius, make sure you hold his head  
  
steady, I don't want the glass to go any deeper."  
  
With two swift tugs Remus had gotten both fragments of glass out of  
  
Harry's left cheek. Throwing them away, he asked Sirius to get a healing potion  
  
from the cabinet. It never occurred to Sirius that Harry was prone to crawl off. Sirius retrieved the potion, and as he straightened up he knocked his head on the open cupboard.   
  
"OW! Shit.oh, no.Harry?" Sirius turned to where Harry was only moments before to find Harry gone again. Still rubbing his head, he muttered about Lilly murdering him for blood on the carpet.  
  
"Don't worry," Remus came behind Sirius holding Harry. "I caught him, klutz.no you know what? I stand by what I said earlier, you are A.D.D."  
  
"Ouch.Is he laughing at me?" Sirius questioned, ignoring the last comment  
  
about how handsome he was. Harry was sucking on his fist and smiling behind it.   
  
"Why I think he is! Hey you should hurt yourself more often Sirius!"  
  
"Oh shut up, and give me my godson, hmm?" Padfoot playfully ordered. As  
  
soon as the healing potion had made contact with Harry's face he had started  
  
crying again. Sirius blew on the rapidly receding cuts and kissed his cheek  
  
for good measure.   
  
"That was too adorable, old friend," Remus commentated warmly.   
  
"Yeah, yeah, well if you want to show your real love for him, you can  
  
change his diaper," Sirius all but threw Harry at his friend and slammed the door  
  
shut behind him.  
  
"Oh no you don't! I don't have my wand you idiot! Oh poppycock." Remus  
  
resigned as Sirius' gales of triumph rang through the door.   
  
********  
  
Harry giggled as Remus tickled him on the belly.he was feeling much  
  
better.  
  
"Okay I think it is time we feed him and get him to bed Sirius, we can  
  
clean this mess up afterward."   
  
Sirius took Harry into the living room while Remus whipped up something  
  
for dinner. "Couldn't we just grind the pizza up? I'm certain he would enjoy  
  
that, wouldn't you? Wouldn't my baby," Sirius lay on the floor while Harry  
  
crawled on his chest.   
  
Here let me have him," Remus came in with some small pieces of chicken  
  
and peas. He set the dish on the empty pizza boxes and sat with Harry in the  
  
chair. "No not my shirt, the peas silly.hey you."  
  
Harry was tired of peas and began to suck on Remus' sweater. After about  
  
five minutes Remus gave up and just let Harry explore his green, but once dry pullover.   
  
"Will you please take him Sirius.I'm soaked," Moony handed the baby to  
  
the pile of pillows on the couch and grabbed the bib to try and dry himself off a  
  
little.   
  
Harry laughed and played pica boo with his friend for a while, and then  
  
he yawned and lay down on Sirius' chest.   
  
Sirius kept talking gently so Harry could fall asleep to the sound of his  
  
voice and the beat of his heart. The heart that loved him very much.   
  
"Hey God dad, what are we going to tell Lily and James when they-"  
  
But Remus Lupin never finished his sentence because a key was placed in the  
  
front door.  
  
Mwahahahhaha! Evil ending! Don't worry more will be up soon! But alas, the end draws near. I hope you liked my chapter! Please keep sending great reviews! Thanks. 


	7. How did she do that?

Author's Note: Hey loyal fans! I am sooo sorry that I haven't updated in FOREVER!!! I'm absolutely shocked that I'm still getting reviews for the last chapter, especially after leaving you all hanging for so long. If anyone reading this is in school they know what that is like...thank Godric for summer vacation. Thanks for reading and enjoy...and please send more of those amazing reviews!   
The door creaked open and Lily was heard from the darkened foyer snipping at James for some unknown reason and then the voices fell silent.  
  
"Oh my lord, James!" Lily gasped and James quickly pulled out his wand.  
"Stay behind me, it might be Him..." James' voice was tight and the glass crackled under their dress shoes as they walked into the lighted living room. "Remus? What happened? Is everything all right?" James took in the scene of carpet stains, pizza boxes, a small dish laden with peas, a nervous looking werewolf, and...his best friend holding a sleeping Harry...please say he is sleeping.  
"Hey ahem did you have a good time?" Remus tried to break the awkward silence.  
"No. What happened is my baby alright?" Lily was so stunned from seeing her usually immaculate home in shambles that her emotions were forgotten.  
"Oh, yeah! He's fine, the bugger," Sirius responded as he got up from the couch. "We just had a hell of a time catching him, and then he got himself a bit banged up in the foyer, but we fixed him didn't we Moony...Moony?"  
Remus, however, was not looking at Sirius. He and James were eyeing a storming Lily. A tea kettle on the stove let out a whistle that seemed highly appropriate at the moment, but the steam appeared to be coming out of Lilly's ears...not the kitchen. "THAT MESS IN THE FRONT OF MY HOUSE HURT HARRY! YOU—YOU!" It was remarkable how much Lily resembled a Chinese Fireball when she was angry. "OUT ALL OF YOU!!!! AND GIVE ME MY BABY!!" Lily roared pointing at the door, which exploded off the hinges, and she shrieked in exasperation. Harry was now awake (and probably everyone else on the street) and crying hysterically not wanting to leave his godfather. Sirius looked at her accusingly.  
"You made him cry!"  
"Just let her have the baby Padfoot. If you value your life give her the child!" James was a mess and he simply led the two shocked men out the door muttering repairing charms behind him. The door slammed when six feet hit the threshold and Lily locked the door cursing.  
"Lilly, dear! You accidentally locked me out."  
"Oh no she didn't," muttered Remus, but James was too distracted to notice.  
James let out a groan as gave up on the door knob, "You know, I think this is the reason Lilly and I don't go out much anymore." The three men glanced back through the window and saw Harry being smothered by his soup covered mother.  
"That damned kid gets the best of everything," Sirius said dejectedly as he sat on the front stoop.  
"As my son should," James sat down next to him, took off his glasses and began rubbing his hands through his hair, which already stuck up like Aunt Bertha's shrubs. Remus sighed heavily and glanced up at the silvery moon wincing.  
They sat there for the better part of an hour before they heard footprints on the path. A woman in a pretty evening gown walked by, but looked back when she saw the three gentlemen on a front stoop staring at her. One of them rose and strutted over.  
"Good evening my lady," Sirius bowed and kissed her hand in a wooing fashion, "all alone on this dark night? Well, I shall have you know I am Sirius Black, kisser of virgin lips, and savior of damsels in distress!"  
"Well, when I see one I will let you know, handsome," she was, however, eyeing Remus, whose mouth was slightly agape in thought.  
"Well, you know..." Sirius was becoming desperate, "I am ADD," he thought that would get her good.  
James gave Remus an odd look, while Remus just shook his head disdainfully. Sirius looked back at his friends to see Remus trying to stifle laughter, and James looking slightly confused.  
"Oh...really? I am stunned. I mean, you don't see that come up in older men usually...will all your children be the same way?" the woman looked sympathetic, though Sirius couldn't possibly imagine why.  
"Oh, yes...isn't it wonderful? Like your dress...glorious," Sirius took a step closer to the woman who backed away nervously. Remus meanwhile could no longer contain his mirth. James simply stared dumbfounded at Sirius' lack of social skills. It was possibly the worst pick-up attempt James had ever seen.  
"Well I really must be off," the woman was now staring anywhere but at the ADD-man.  
"Well, um...can I look you up sometime?"  
"NO! Um...I mean, no thank you," she put her pinky to her mouth and her thumb to her ear in the imitation of a telephone and motioned for Remus to call her, and walked briskly away.  
"Well Remus, the ADD thing didn't work." Remus grinned back at Sirius as if all the trouble he went through that evening had been worth it. Sirius narrowed his eyes, "If somebody like me can't pick up a woman, clearly you have no chance." "Sure, Padfoot," Remus said as he stuffed a piece of paper with something that looked suspiciously like a phone number on it. "I mean, she even gave me a weird peace-sign thing before she strutted off," Sirius resumed his place on the stoop.  
"How odd," Remus feigned innocence. "Well, women her age are not intoxicated dormitory girls," Remus chuckled as he and James rolled their eyes at each other.  
"It was worth a try. After all, I am a free man unlike James here, who is forever in the bondage of a fiery princess of darkness and her evil minion, the babe of—" "I HEARD THAT SIRIUS BLACK! Just you see if you ever come inside again!"  
"How did she do that?" Sirius whispered wide-eyed in shock.  
"Magic," James mused after a moment. "Just like this..." James sprang up and knocked on the door again.  
"You already tried to charm it open, James. You know how good Lilly is," Remus said knowingly.  
"Go away!" Lilly snapped back. "But Lily I still have your present in my pocket and...oh, darling! I am so sorry!" the slave fell to his knees in mock agony. "My life is not complete without you...you are a flower to me, but I am the sun, who is missing the flower in the dead of winter out here. I love you Lillian Potter...my red-haired Empress of Darkness..." Lily opened the door with Harry in her arms smiling.  
"Oh, come in Honey! I'm sorry," she offered him a hand which he took and kissed.  
"My angel of sexiness," he rose and took her in his arms with Harry in the middle yawning at his dad's usual trick, "my—"  
"Alright! Don't over do it," Lily said placing a warning finger on his lips. He licked her fingers slowly and she squeaked, "James!" Lilly was giggling uncontrollably as she passed Harry to Remus , leaving her arms available to wrap around James' neck. They drew into a passionate kiss. James then swept her off her feet and bolted up the stairs yelling, "FAINT HEART NEVER WON FAIR LADY!"  
"Excuse me, Mr. Potter...I am not a stork! Ah, well..." Remus gave up and went inside slumping on the couch. Sirius followed suit shutting the door behind him.  
"You would think he could have done that an hour ago," complained Sirius.  
"I really need some sleep Padfoot. I think I'll turn in—here," without another word Remus plopped Harry in his godfather's arms and dissaparated home.  
"Hey wait! This is not my job! I will not be subjected to this! Oh, well..." Sirius gave up and lay down with Harry on the ever-familiar couch. "Well, looks like it's you and me kiddo," Sirius kissed the already dozing baby soundly on the top of the head and closed his eyes. If this is the baggage that comes with women...I don't want to shop anymore...  
Harry gurgled contentedly, and they both fell asleep to dream of over- protective relatives and pizza.  
YAY! And that concludes our story. Hope you enjoyed it. Thanks for being loyal fans...who knows what we will come up with next? DUN DUN DUN... 


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